Pressure

So I'm a genius. I know, I know, everyone says that. But for me it's true, I guess. Genius is a bit difficult to define. I like the WIkipedia definition of the IQ test, which sates that it "test a certain kind of intelligence." Whichever one it tests is the one that spills out my ears. Strange phrase I know, try and get past it.

But seriously the pressure. people don't understand what it's like. They think that it's easy to be a genius, to have everyone look at you and wonder what crazy calculations are spinning through your mind. Like my head is a giant abacus, with gray beads.

My head is more like a very clear mirror. Whatever it reflects (on) becomes very clear, sometimes clearer than you'd like.

And I can't stop it, I can't turn it off. I just think, on and on. And on. Sun up, to sun down, often to sun up again. Then I sleep and dream clever dreams.

it gets to you after awhile. I was much happier as a kid playing in the mud in my backyard. People knew what I was, and expected me to act accordingly. A dirty little dude. Now they see some shining paragon of brilliance, and expect me to live up to that. The sons of guns.

Now it would be different if everyone was a genius (even though that would still be horrible). Everyone would be smart enough to understand that other people had their off days, their problems, their handicaps. I'm horrible at chess. I got over it. Eventually.

I go for walks. Long walks. They kind of help, but not too much. I feel like I'm a computer with a broken fan, just whizzing on and on until I crash from overheating.

For the sake of honesty I'll admit that being a genius has its good points. They just escape me at the moment.

I could write a book. It'd probably be pretty good. I could try and get better at the piano, become famous if not rich. I could write songs, maybe have my own band. I could go into some marketing company and possibly reinvent the so called art. Or I could go into fine arts,m there I might be rich, but I could never live with myself. I'm too good a scammer to fail something that subjective.

Eh, I'll play some Halo.